Wrestling with the Devil

Vici and I were on the phone again today until our phone batteries were running on fumes.  That's twice in a week.  In a crisis, she's a person to have in your corner.   Serious illnesss is a spiritual crisis/opportunity.  It is good to have a soul sister who can span that range with you -- from the side of crisis and pain, to the other side of opportunity and highest outcome.  In my experience, most people specialize in one side or the other.  Today we talked about the core meaning of Armageddon, and to do that, one must be able to see the dark while standing in the light.  And vice versa.

Christ consciousness slays the beast.  That is what is most important to note about Armageddon.  And so, in a possibly life-threatening situation of any kind, if transformation is to be won, it must be won by a higher version of the self than the one who arrived at the difficulty -- by the Christ within.  Higher means, in vibration, in frequency.  The Powerful, Loving, Joyous Lighted Self must show up and take charge. What She knows, goes.  Anything less than that won't be enough.

Always in battling darkness, the question is one of self capacity to endure.  Is the darkness stronger than me?  ( Did I actually agree to this in order to find out?)   Theoretically, we already know that the question is a trick.     Of course the darkness is stronger than me.  But not stronger than my Lighted Self, me as God, the Christ in me who overcame the world.

Back in my early 30's I had a big dream, a life dream.  In it, I faced ultimate evil incarnate, and in that life threatening situation I lucidly realized that expressing love to the devil was my only and best means of survival.  I took a deep breath, faced Him, and declared as genuinely as possible, "I love you."  And no sooner had the words left my lips than he was gone, just like the wicked witch.   (Years later, when I first met David Smith and heard about his hug the monster experience in St. Michael's Cave, I knew we shared a connection to something fairly deep, and it made our relationship rich with experience and learning.)

The dream was an easier version of the circumstance I now find myself in.  Easier because I had a clear target with the Devil... the place to focus my energy couldn't have been more obvious. Still took courage, faith and heart.   Emotional healing is far more difficult because the targets keeps moving and changing.  Each time one is identified, another one shows up.  It is exhausting work, and now and then exhilerating.  Two days ago a breakthrough happened, and I was so elated as a part of myself lost to suffering and trauma, re-appeared whole and complete. Everything in me said yes again, and it felt so good, after months and months of no.

Yet the nature of the illness means the good feelings may not last, may be challenged by another monster, may dissuade you of your success.  And so it is two steps forward, one step backward.  Two long phone calls within days of one another.

I never considered myself a warrior in this sense before.  My warrior spirit was always more of cheerleading for the light, for love, joy, and the infinite field of possibilities.  Cheering on and inspiring are things that have always come naturally for me.  The dark rarely found my address or phone number, and if it did, I was likely to not be home, or willing to pick up the phone.  I have never done battle with the darkness as I am called upon now to do -- from the inside.  And yet I know that the power of leverage calls for Love in all of its glory to show up.    Darkness challenges Light.  That's its job.  It makes the Light show up.  I've always known this.

Yet, at the moment its real personal.  And I'm digging deep.  My God Self needs to get her superhero cape out of the mothballs now.

As I've been reminding my sister, this is the clap-if-you-believe-in-fairies moment of my life.  That complete healing is possible is beyond question.  That I am committed to that outcome is also beyond question.  Yet there is no map for this journey, not even a kiss on the forehead or a pair of ruby slippers to keep me safe.  What I carry with me on this journey is the knowing that whatever I need is to be found within.  Trusting this to be true, turns out, is the biggest challenge of all.

Armageddon.  Christ Light wins.

A victory worth the battle... and one I look forward to celebrating.